Perihal Masa Depan

Dua tiga minggu lepas aku ada masuk satu talk ni.
Bukan rajin tapi sebab wajib.
School aku yang buat.
Semua forth year students wajib masuk dengar talk tu.
So aku dengan x berapa nak ikhlas yang terpaksa ikhlaskan hati pon masuklah dengan redha.

"HALA TUJU PELAJAR SELEPAS BERGRADUASI"

 ***

In life, we often reach a point of no return.
Point where we need to decide crucial decision.
Decide between choice number one or choice number two.
Decision between life and death.

Same goes to me.

Just imagine, after drive for quite a hours, suddenly you reach a junction. A junction of no return. You have to choose either to turn left or right. By hook or by crook, you have to have a choice in your hand. Time ticking. You are running out of time.

Kau tengok sebelah kiri. Jalan rata. Takde tol. Takde lopak. Takde lubang. Sekali pandang kau memang sure drive kau akan smooth. Sesmooth iklan nescafe Harith Iskander. Kira kalau kau ambik jalan ni confirm cepat sampai la. Tapi jalan mana takde obstacle kan. Decision mana yang takde risk kan. Jalan yang kau nampak smooth and rata tu actually jalan kecik. Dikelilingi hutan tebal dengan gaung dalam nokharommmmm. Penuh binatang buas. Kira silap sikit memang kau terkubur kat situ la citer dia.

Kau tengok pulak jalan sebelah kanan. Jalan bengkang bengkok. Tak rata. Lopak lubang bagai penuh. Berbukit bukau pulak tu. Memang dengan condition kereta manual umur sebaya budak darjah dua yang kau drive tu, confirm bengkak kaki kau asyik main clutch. Tu tak kira kes clutch sangkut gear tak masuk tu. Lagi teruk takde stesen minyak langsung. Jauh punya jauh tapi satu stesen pon takde. Kira kalau kau jenis nawaitu isi hati kedekut taik hidung masin, nak isi minyak setakat isi sebab nak usha awek kaunter semata-mata bukan sebab nak isi full tank untuk persediaan journey kau, memang habis tersadailah kereta kau cerita dia. Tapi pemandangan sekeliling memang best. Sunrise sunset sumer clear nampak. Dengan tasik di kejauhan. Kira memang perghhh lah pemandangan dia. Kena pulak dengan jiwa naturalist and environmentalist kau. Memang heaven la wa cakap lu kan.

Dua-dua jalan memang boleh reach destination kau. Cuma obstacle jer membezakan. Ketidaksanggupan kau memilih untuk berhadapan dengan risiko, menjadi penentu keputusan kau. Tapi kau kena sedar. Keputusan tak akan jadi keputusan kalau terlalu mudah untuk dibuat. Atau takde dilema nak memilih. Tu bukan keputusan nama dia. Tu pilihan yang dah terbentang. Tinggal kau nak ambil guna dalam hidup kau. Erk faham tak?Let's say kau pilih satu jalan. And kau sangguplah kononnya nak harung susah tu. Eventhough kau sanggup hadapi risiko pilihan kau, kau kena tengok jugak persediaan dan bekalan yang ada dekat kau. Kau sanggup go through jalan sebelah kanan tu tapi tangki minyak kau tu cukup ke. Padahal kau sedar takde stesen minyak dah sepanjang jalan tu. Dah terang-terang besar sebesar bapaknya pun signboard inform "No Petrol Station Along This Road". So? Releven ke kalau kau buat pilihan tu? I don't think so dude. Tu namanya tak sedar diri. Bercita-cita melebihi kemampuan diri.

Now lets go back to the talk. Punyalah bersungguh Dr Azuwir dengan Dr Hafizah explain kat depan kan. Aku dah melayang. Terbang melayang singgah ke FaqrulLand. What is the destination of my journey after graduating? Kerja teruskah aku? Or postgraduate studies? Frankly speaking, It has been my lifetime dream to further my studies as high as I can. Setinggi yang sampai dah tak boleh dah nak sambung. But yet to decide untuk continue terus? I don't think it is a wise decision. Eventhough I do wish. Gila heaven dapat master and Phd time umur muda. Dulu aku pernah ada lifeplan. Nak dapat master before umur 25 and PHD before umur 27. But I don't think that plan is available now.

 Financial? One of my dream lagi adalah untuk sambung master without making any loan. Means 100% duit sendiri. Dah letih dengan loan ptptn ke apa ke.  So macam mana lah dream aku yang ini akan tercapai kalau aku tak kerja dulu. I wish I had a choice to say that I will continue master directly after my degree. I wish I already have proper job so that I dont have to think about job position after I graduating from postgraduate studies. I wish I have a firm financial in terms of my own money, not my parents or loan's money. I wish I don't meet this junction. I wish I drive auto car instead of manual. So that I don't have to worry about musculoskeletal disorder dekat kaki aku dek main dengan clutch duk tukar gear memanjang. So that I have better view of the choices in front of me. So that I have choice to choose my choice entirely based on my needs and my dreams. Rather than looking at from the side of distinct person. I wish I am more me than you. I wish life is easy. I wish I can do all things I wanted all at the same time. If only I can turn back time. If only I can say what I said. Life is not easy huh?

They said, "If you failed to plan, then you planned to fail."
They are totally wrong I guess.
They just create that phrase merely from the wordplay.

So Faqrul, keep walking. Held ypur head as high as you can. And let the FATE from the ALMIGHTY forward you to the place where you are belong. Always keeping my faith on Him, InsyaAllah.

p/s: notabulukaki - I'm having hard time. I'm down. I wish I can give up. Haha